In recent years, much has been written about preventing and stopping bullying in our schools. Several states have mandated that schools have policies and procedures for reporting it and for responding to it. However, neighborhood bullying hasn’t received the attention that it deserves. Bullying occurs everywhere in the community, in homes, schools, recreation areas, workplaces, churches, neighborhoods, etc. Bullying is a community issue and all the resources of the community should be used to prevent and stop it.

www.bullyfree.com. Now his program, The Bully Free Program is used around the United States.

Most quality anti-bullying programs encourage community involvement but sometimes fail to offer guidance for parents who deal with bullies in their neighborhood, terrorizing their children. Some parents have even contemplated moving to a more peaceful location. Dr. Allan Beane, author of The Bully Free Program, has met five such parents in the past year who have sought his assistance. He understands their pain and frustration. He also has answers, but not until after it was too late for his son. When his son, Curtis, was in seventh grade, he was bullied. Like most parents, he didn’t know what to tell his son. He eventually transferred his son to a different school system, where he found acceptance and a sense of belonging.

However, when Curtis was fifteen, he was in an auto accident. He lost two fingers and one-third of his right hand. Several months later he returned to high school. There was a tremendous outpouring of love and support from some students. However, an unbelievable number of students were cruel to him. This mistreatment took it toll, and left scares even into the adult years. At the age of 23, Curtis suffered Post Traumatic Stress from the wreck and from the persistent mistreatment. He suffered depression and anxiety problems, which is very common in victims of bullying. Curtis wanted to fly away from his problems, so one night he took an illegal drug (METH) and it killed him. He had a heart problem that he, Dr. Beane and Dr. Beane’s wife didn’t know about. Curtis didn’t kill himself. He had his car keys in his hands and was trying to go for help. Bullying contributed to his dying somewhat as a broken man. He is the reason Dr. Beane wrote The Bully Free Classroom (Published by Free Spirit Publishing), Protect Your Child from Bullying (Published by Jossey-Bass), How You Can Be Bully Free and other books. To learn more about these and other valuable resources, visit

www.bullyfree.com) are being adopted around the United States.

Dr. Beane’s son’s story helps everyone understand the destructiveness of bullying, no matter where it happens. Dr. Beane and his wife now travel the world sharing their son’s story with students and teaching parents and school personnel how to prevent and stop bullying. Dr. Beane’s program, The Bully Free Program, materials and resources (

One parent said: "My seven year old son is constantly being bullied by a group of 10 year olds down the street. I’ve tried talking to their parents, but of course, they refuse to believe their sons are anything less than angels. I’ve tried talking to the school principal, who says as long as it happens off school grounds, there’s nothing he can do. I spoke with the police, who say that because of their age, there’s not much they can do except talk to the parents, which, of course, puts me back at square one. Short of moving, what can I do to protect my child?"

The following tips can help her son and your child when he or she is bullied in the neighborhood.

Tips for Parents:

Provide Emotional Support

Your first step is to provide emotional support for your child and give him hope that the bullying will stop. He not only needs help in dealing with the bullies, he needs help in dealing with his feelings and thoughts.

Let your child know that no one deserves to be bullied. Some victims become convinced they deserve to be bullied. Some even feel they are defective as human beings and expect to be mistreated.

Explain that bullies seek to hurt and control because they have problems, lack self-control (because they have not been disciplined appropriately), may be mistreated by someone themselves, and have not been taught the Golden Rule- treat others the way you want to be treated.

Stay calm even though you are concerned about your child’s safety. When you get mad and excited, it concerns your child. He will feel that you are not capable of handling his situation appropriately, you might make it worse.

Be sensitive to the fact that your child may feel embarrassed and shame because he can’t physically stand up for himself. There is usually a power imbalance. The bullies are stronger, or have psychological power over the victim, and/or he is out numbered.

Let your child know that it is normal to feel hurt, fear, and anger. Help him express these in appropriate ways. Ask your child to write down in a journal/notebook his thoughts and feelings about what has happened. This can be very therapeutic.

Express confidence that you, with the help of others, will find a solution. Don’t promise that you will not tell anyone. You may need help. Involve your child in discovering solutions to his bullying situation.

Involve your child is service projects and projects that involve helping others. Helping others can have a healing effect on victims of bullying.

Help your child develop a "best friend." Children who have one best friend are bullied less often, are able to deal with it better emotionally, and have less behavior problems resulting from the mistreatment.

Help your child develop a skill or hobby that can serve as an emotional and expressive outlet.

Immediately develop a safety plan for your child.

Increase adult supervision. If you can not be at home to watch you child, ask someone in the family or a trusted friend in the neighborhood to supervise him.

If you can’t supervise your child after school, enroll him in a quality youth program supervised by adults with good morals and do a good job supervising children/youth.

Tell your child to never walk alone and, when possible, have older students with him who will protect him – stand up for him. Ask siblings who are older and bigger than the bullies, to supervise their brother. If needed, they could recruit some of their friends to assist them.

Ask an older student or students with good morals to mentor and supervise your child. You could even pay them to supervise your child in the neighborhood, when you are unable to do so.

Ask your child to avoid the bullies, if possible. If possible, don’t go where they are. Don’t tell your child to ignore the bullying. Ignoring them usually doesn’t work.

Ask your child to give you a report everyday regarding his treatment.

Monitor your child’s whereabouts and his friendships. Ask questions: What did you do today? Who did you sit with today? Who did you play with today? Was everyone nice to you today? Where you nice to others today? What is the Golden Rule.

Inform your neighbors about the bullying and ask them to be observant. Form a Neighborhood Watch program. Encourage neighbors to keep video cameras near their window to record bullying in the neighborhood.

Since you may need to report your child’s mistreatment to the appropriate authorities, it is important to gather and record information about the bullying events experienced by your child.

Keep a log of information. Do not interrogate your child, but conversationally ask questions to determine what has happened, who was involved, when it happened, and where did it happen. Also find out who witnessed the bullied. Get their names and their find out their addresses and telephone numbers. Look for patterns in this information. Ask yourself: What locations needed to be avoided? What time periods need to be avoided? This is information you will need to tell law enforcement or court officials designated to who work with juveniles.

Take pictures of all injuries and hold a ruler next to the injuries to show their sizes and keep a record of all medical treatment, all medical expenses and all related travel expenses, including counseling.

Take your child to the doctor in order to have an official record of the injuries.

Purchase a miniature video camera for your child. These can be tied to shoes. Show him how to use the camera and how to aim it at individuals who are mistreating him.

Examine your child’s journal, mentioned above, for consistency in what he has told you and what he has written about the bullying events.

Talk to individuals in the community and find out what you can about the bullies and their families.

Talk to other parents. Perhaps their children are being bullied or have been bullied by the same individuals. Ask them to keep a log of the mistreatment. Determine what they have done to prevent and stop it. Brainstorm ways you can ban together to protect your children. Perhaps there is action you can take as a group.

Contact Authorities

Other Tips

Use your own judgment about contacting the parents of the bullies. Some parents of bullies are terrific parents and will deal with the problem, but sometimes they are not understanding and will not cooperate.

Don’t tell your child to retaliate. He may try to equalize the power imbalance with a weapon. He might get hurt. Such a recommendation communicates to your child that violence is the way to deal with violence. It also tells him that he is alone in dealing with the situation – adults need to be involved.

Teach your child to be assertive, but not aggressive. To learn more about this, see Protect Your Child From Bullying by Dr. Allan Beane, published by Jossey-Bass. Visit

Involve your child in activities, away from the neighborhood bullies. This will also give him an opportunity to have supportive friends he can talk to.

Kids are hesitant to tell their parents. When they do, they often have reach the end of the rope and feel helpless, some even lose hope of things ever getting better for them. Watch for signs of depression in your child and do not hesitate to seek professional counseling for your child.

Build your child’s body strength, self-confidence and self-esteem. Teach him to walk upright and to avoid looking like an easy target.

Monitor your own child’s behavior. Sometimes victims of bullying start mistreating others. Do not tolerate it. Some victims become bullies. You do not want that to happen. Teach your child the Golden Rule – treat others the way you want to be treated.

Ask yourself, is there something my child is doing to provoke the bullies. Is there something that my needs to stop doing.

Host a community meeting on bullying prevention. Invite an expert on bullying, such as Dr. Beane to address the nature of bullying, its destructiveness, why it must be prevented and stopped in neighbors, and what role community members play. Invite parents in the neighborhood to speak, invite law enforcement officials, school personnel, and representatives of the faith-based organizations.

Consider teaching kids in the neighborhood to ban together and protect each other in non-violent ways. This is called being an empowered bystander. If other children are witnessing the bullying and ignoring it, they are part of the problem. For ways to empower bystanders see Protect Your Child from Bullying by Dr. Beane, published by Jossey-Bass.

Ask churches in your community to address bullying and to drive home the importance of obeying the Golden Rule. Dr. Beane is an ordained ministered is interested to speak in churches on this topic. He addresses the adults and youth.

Find community programs that seek to help troubled youth that can reach out to the bullies. They also need help.

Ask the schools to implement an anti-bullying program such as the Bully Free Program, to have an expert on bullying to speak to the students, parents, and teachers.

Every day, tell your child that you love him and give him lots of hugs. Spend time with him and ask about his day.

If you’re a religious person, pray for your child and pray the bullies will change.

Ask local churches to place the issue of bullying on their prayer lists.

If your child is being harassed or physically attacked, file a report with the appropriate juvenile authority. Since juvenile law varies from state to state, the parent should do their research to determine who to report to and to follow those policies and procedures. Include the photographs and your log of information. This information will be important if you go to court, but is not always necessary went you are filing just a complaint, not charges. In some states you should report to "court designated worker" of the District Court assigned to work on juvenile cases. This individual does not seek to determine guilt but seeks to find solutions to the conflict. This gives the bullies an opportunity to avoid the court. In some states, if you file a complaint (not charges), the bullies will be asked to engage in an activity (anger management class, community service, etc.). Some times the bullies are ordered to stay away from the victim for a significant time period. If they attend school together, the school has to ensure this separation. Usually a contract is signed agreeing to "punishment." If the contract is broken, more severe consequences are applied. If they deny what has been reported, they have the choice to go to court, rather than sign the contract. Most bullies will not want to go to court. They know they are guilty, and they will have to prove they are not guilty. They also run the risk of more severe punishment (time in a detention center, etc.) being issued by the judge. Time in a detention center can vary from 2 days to weeks. If it involves more than 30 days, a less restrictive setting (i.e., youth boot camp) is utilized.

Law enforcement officers can be very helpful. Assault and harassment laws apply to people of all ages. Police officers should be informed. If the bullies are juveniles, the officers will want the parent’s permission to speak to the bullies. If harassment or assault charges have been filed, the officers will certainly fulfill their roles with bullies and read their rights before talking to them.

Inform your child’s school about the neighborhood bullying. If the bullies attend your child’s school, they need to monitor their interaction with your child. Ask them to appoint someone in the school whom your child can report to on a daily basis. At some point this could be weekly and then monthly. Since victims sometimes become behavior problems, tell them about the bullying may help understand and deal with your child’s inappropriate behavior, if it occurs.

Gather and Record Information

Safety Plan

www.bullyfree.com to learn more about his must have book.

Share with your child the strategies in the book, How to Be Bully Free by Dr. Allan Beane (www.bullyfree.com).

Don’t give up. But, if necessary, move to another neighborhood.

Conclusion

www.bullyfree.com for more information.

Bullying often happens because we adults allow it to happen. Adults must get involved. Parents and children should never feel that they are alone in dealing the bullying. We now know how to help them. We must continue to look for new solutions to this problem that is so destructive to our children and causing a crisis in our families.

The above suggestions for preventing and stopping bullying in neighborhoods is not meant to be exhaustive. Dr. Beane says there are solutions to every problem and there are solutions are waiting to be discovered. Parents should never to be told that there is nothing that can be done to help their child who is being bullied in the neighborhood. There is much that can be done. Adults must get involved. There must also be consequences for bullying and there must be efforts to help victims, as well as help bullies change.

Additional strategies and an explanation of the above strategies are presented Dr. Beane’s book, Protect Your Child from Bullying, published by Jossey-Bass. Visit